left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
