Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
