Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
