HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
