my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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