Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I believe in your delicious
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
