Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
