Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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