I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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