Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
