a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I love black thongs
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
