You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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