if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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