Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
