My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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