I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize