My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
