new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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