I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
