I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
