I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
