and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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