You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize