Dual....:-)
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
