so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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