I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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