Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
time to smoke my breakfast
this just has baby written all over it
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
