His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize