my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
as a side note pls kill me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
