Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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