I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
