I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
