he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
