Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
