My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
