between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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