I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
