Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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