I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
