I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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