I hate your face
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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