***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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