fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
