Umm I'm too high to move.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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