I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
