Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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