My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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