PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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