No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
