I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
