I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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