I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
