I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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