No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Holy sore nipples Batman
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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