Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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