i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
