I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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