The maid of honor just puked.
So drunk its hurt
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
