you didnt know i had herpes?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Randomize
