A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
