That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
