he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
operation harelip BJ is a go
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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