The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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