Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
