Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
