He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
