Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
