Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
