no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
