You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
please come you make the beer taste better
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
