Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
