Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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