oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
