Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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