shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
