You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
