well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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