i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize