3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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