i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
