No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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