I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
