You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize