Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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