he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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