I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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