Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
