If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
