apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
