yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
