Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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