god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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