I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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