I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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