when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
