so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
