It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
