so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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