Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My vagina is very pro this idea
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