There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
