Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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