So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
that is very illegal...i love you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
